A tale of 2 Case Studies

     What happens when you are on your path and life throws you a curve?   Your story is what you identify with.  It is what is told about your life to friends, family, and even strangers to let them know your life is great and they may want to be a little jealous.  It can be so good it impresses everyone that hears it, including yourself.  You're dating/engaged/married to a great guy, you're in grad school/college/fresh out of high school.  You've landed the career/job/life calling of your dreams.  It may not be perfect but what is?  Who cares its perfect enough!  Your dreams are starting to unfold right in front of your eyes.  The pink house with a white picket fence and 2.5 kids in the suburbs is almost ready to be moved into with a team of unicorns toting your things to be put all in their places by magical fairies.  Maybe that's a little dramatic but don't be surprised if the idea is more true than not.  So after all of your things are being placed around your dream mansion by fairies.  The magical fairy dust settles a little.  At first its just seems like we are just getting more familiar with each other.  He isn't saying the things he used to say.  He doesn't look at you the way he used to.  Other things seem to become more important than you.  The attention you crave is given to everyone else but you.  Its OK though you have enough things to keep you busy, more than enough.  The kids have to be gotten up and dressed for school.  Your job is becoming more demanding of your time.  There isn't enough time in the day to get all of the things life demands of you, plus there is a relationship that needs some of your attention.  He is busy with work and providing as well.  Time slips by little by little.  Day after day and moment by moment the little things you used to do for him and the things he used to do for you aren't being done.  Maybe if I punish him he will see where he's being a dummy. Maybe if I accuse him of things it will straighten him out.  I'm not sure what it will take for him to understand my needs but he better start being a man.  The problem with a woman telling a man to be a man is that a woman isn't nor could ever be a man.  Just as much as a man can't be a women, haha, even though many have tried.  As much as women will say "I think just like a man" its a hard sell to a real man to believe them.  We are both hard wired differently.  That's what makes life so grand.  if opposites didn't attract the would be no magnetism.  There is nothing like the feeling a woman feels being with a strong man.  The safeness, the comfort, the security, and a little mystery in there too.  So in order to get the man to be the man what's a girl to do? I'll make him feel like less of a man.  I'll grow cold to make him pursue me.  I'll accuse him of cheating.  I'll use his words against him.  If he really loved me he would do _______. (fill in the blank) 

Story about a dog
     There once was a dog named Killer.  Killer was a fierce dog that would fight at a moments notice when he was a pup and protect his owner with his life.  His owner loved Killer and took care of him every day.  He loved her as well.  She would rub his belly and feed him the best food a dog could want.  Everyday was exciting and new.  They would go for walks in the park and he would protect her.  She would throw a ball and he would fetch.  He would run around and she would laugh at how silly he was.  The summers were amazing, spring and fall too.  Winters were spent cuddled up together keeping warm by the fire.  After some time Killer became a little more domesticated.  He would go about his days doing dog things but because of him not being a fierce pup anymore the owner decided to change his name.  At first Killer didn't like his new name.  It didn't sit well with him.  He wanted to be Killer but allowed his owner to change him and his name.  She fed him and rubbed his belly and took care of him so he was lulled into the belief that she knew what was best for him.  Because she owned him.  She didn't realize the power she had over him not knowing he would lay down his life for her and do anything in the world for her.  So after a few years Killer had become Shadow.  Shadow looked like Killer but wasn't Killer.  She had changed his name and he had become a pet.  They still did things together but it was more like being tied down on a leash than the excitement there once was.  She had changed a once excited companion into a tamed pet.  After realizing the changes in Killer to being Shadow, the pet, she longed to have her Killer back.  Killer was a strong capable protector, trusted friend, daring companion.  Shadow was just a pet that would do anything she wanted.  When she didn't get the behavior she was looking for she would push and prod Shadow into becoming Killer again.  Shadow was so confused.  He used to be the fierce fighter that did his own thing and was wild at heart.  She didn't like the wild things he used to do so he listened to her and obeyed because he thought she knew better and he loved her with all of his heart.  When she would look at Shadow she wondered what had happened.  What happened to Killer?  She started slowly trying to get Shadow to change back to Killer.  She wouldn't feed him like she used to.  This will make him more hungry.  She would nudge him to get away from her when he got close.  This will make him want my attention more.  She fussed at him for doing just about anything any other dog would do.  This will make him be more like a real dog, not the dog I have now.  Who would want Shadow?  He just does what he is told and begs when he wants something.  The situation doesn't look like its getting any better.  Shadow isn't feeling loved anymore by his owner who swore to take care of him.  Who he swore to love and protect.  It just isn't working out.  One day Shadow is walking through the neighborhood feeling down and alone.  He sees another woman who is smiling and she wants to pet and love on him.  She coaxes him over to come by saying all of the sweet words he longed to hear his master say.  Why is it that this woman saw him as Killer and not Shadow?  She even calls him Killer.  She throws a ball and he fetches.  Talking to him like he yearned to hear from his owner.  This is wrong.  he goes back home that evening feeling guilty for being on another porch other than his own.  He didn't feel he had done anything wrong he just thought it was a nice jester to be appreciated.  His owner was furious, she fussed at him and told him he was the worst dog ever.  he wasn't even a dog anymore he was just a pet.  She berated him until he just felt worthless.  She wanted him to be Killer but she had changed him into Shadow.  She could only see Shadow and he wanted to be whoever she wanted him to be.  He has an identity crisis.  On one hand his owner still loves him but treats him like a bad dog.  He is being exactly who she had wanted him to be.  Something isn't right.  The neighbor sees him as Killer and he can do no wrong.  Shadow continues to come home and listen to his owner tell him he is a bad dog.  He hasn't actually done anything wrong in his mind.  He was still glad to see his owner every day.  He longed for the admiration she used to have for him.  he wagged his tail and tried to play with her.  Shadow just wasn't killer anymore.  They both knew it.  Months of being neglected go by.  Shadow doesn't know what to do.  His owner has just given up on the idea of Shadow ever being Killer again.  Both of them not knowing the power inside of them to change this situation around.  Shadow is walking around one day and the neighbor calls him over with her sweet words of encouragement.  Telling him what a good boy he is.  Telling him how good he looks and how strong he is.  "You're a good boy aren't you?"  "If you were mine I would love you every day" "Oh I just wish i had a dog like you to protect me"  Shadow starts to feel that vigor again.  Shadow isn't going to be treated like Shadow anymore.  Someone finally sees that he is really Killer.  Shadow decides to stay on her porch for the night.  His owner is at home worried sick.  She spends all night looking for Shadow.  he hears her calling but he knows when she finds him all she is going to do is fuss and complain.  He thinks she wouldn't even care if he was on any other porch.  She does care.  He goes back home the next day to wait for his beating.  He is feeling guilty but what is a dog to do?  His owner comes to him and asks him where he has been.  He just wags his tail and goes lay down.  He sleeps most of the day dreaming about how good it felt to be adored and appreciated.  He wakes up and his owner has food and tries to rub his belly.  It just doesn't feel the same.  He is believing the lie that someone new knows you better than the one you swore to love and protect.  He begins to realize that she can't know what its like to be a dog.  She loved him being Killer.  He allowed himself to become Shadow.  She was only testing to see if he was going to stay Killer or become a tame pet.  What was Killer to do?  He couldn't be Shadow anymore.  She didn't love Shadow she lived with him.  Killer was loved with passion.  Shadow was tolerated and put up with because of loyalty.  He had to make a change or lose the one he swore an oath to protect and love.  How could he go back to being that fierce dog?  The only way he saw to make a change was to get off the porch and learn how to be the dog she once admired.  To start acting like Killer again.  He wouldn't allow her to treat him like Shadow anymore.  He was a dog of courage and of strength.  If she wanted Killer well dammit she was about to get him.  She realized that they both needed to change.  She began by not treating him like a bad dog anymore.  She would ask to pet him but she would just growl.  He would bark at her and show his teeth in anger of what he had become.  She didn't want him on any other porch but hadn't been treating him like she wanted him on hers either.  Just like she had put him to the test he was going to put her to the test.  It took more time than you would think.  It took more actions than just words.  Anyone can lie.  Actions show a truer picture.  The hurt that was felt was almost too much to bear.  Day by day with both of them working to express how much they truly care for one another trust was rebuilt.  A bond that would not be easily broken.  She vowed to treat him like Killer and he vowed to protect her even unto death.  

   In life its easy to assign blame to the other person you care so much about.  Its not blame that makes a relationship strong. Taking responsibility for your own actions and working together to make things better is the way things get better.  Relationships aren't designed to be tough all of the time and through a little discovery and caring for one another the relationship can be made whole.  Yes there may be an argument every now and again but what better way to fix an argument than by making up?  Give your man what he really desires, a feminine woman that is his personal cheerleader.  Football may not be your sport but think about a team that is being beat 70-0 in the fourth quarter.  The cheerleaders are still out there cheering their team along. because if you believe in your team they will surly be appreciative of your support.  Become your man's cheerleader and watch him want to score for you time and time again.